De setting: een kamer in paleis Huis ten Bosch. NAVO-blauw tapijt. Eén Amerikaans vlag. Eén Nederlandse vlag. Twee mannen. Eén missie.
– Mister President, your suit really knows how to make an impression, especially in all the right places. And those trousers fit you remarkably well!
– Well, you know, Marky. People always say I have the best suits. And frankly, the best butt in politics. Everybody talks about it!
– Please, let me look at you, Mister President!
[Trump draait zich om, bukt licht voorover, beide handen op zijn achterste]
– Yeah, it’s Italian made. Really tight around the butt. That’s what I told my tailor. I said: ‘I want these trousers to hug the greatness.’
– The greatest greatness I’ve ever seen, Mister President! Please, stay bent over. I love, love, love the view!
– Yeah! I have the best butt in the world. Everybody knows that. Even Putin looked once. Too long. But what’s on your little Dutch mind, Mark? Windmills? Tulips? Woke bicycles?
– I have a proposal, Mister President.
– I love proposals. As long as it doesn’t involve the United States paying for Ukraine.
– No, no. It is a serious proposal.
– You have my attention.
– In the Netherlands we have a saying: “Sometimes you must kiss the behind of the man who owns the place.”
– Yeah, I love that saying. In the White House everybody lives by that rule. They all kiss my ass.
– So, I was thinking: NATO is complicated. There is Ukraine. There is Russia. There is budget. And you are a man with… well… many desires.
– Go on.
– So, I thought: what better way to show NATO’s total loyalty, than… well… not only kissing butt, but also… eeh… licking your… backside.
– You mean… my presidential ass?
– Yes! The place between your… eeh… big beautiful cheeks. But not in a weird way! Just modest licking. In a purely diplomatic way. Between allies.
– Mark, that’s a tremendous idea! Just like the good old Epstein days! [Trump laat zijn broek zakken, buigt voorover, spreidt zijn billen] Let’s do this. But not too much tongue. I’m married. Well, technically. And call me daddy.
– Only the tip of my tongue, daddy! From NATO with love. Like signing a treaty. But with my face.
[Vijftien pijnlijke minuten later]
– Oh Marky, that was… wow! Even Macron never offered me this. He only sends cheese.
– We Dutch build bridges, daddy. And sometimes, those bridges go through the valley of… well… your beautiful big butt.
[Deur zwaait open. Het hoofd van Macron om de hoek. Rutte nog steeds geknield, vochtige kin. Trump sjort net zijn broek omhoog]
– Don’t be jealous, Emmanuel. Mark was just honoring Article 5… with his tongue.
